10 of the Most Common Marriage Problems Couples Face

There’s no way around it: Long-term relationships are hard work—and there will be bumps along the way. Even the best marriages experience ups and downs, but couples that go the distance have one crucial thing in common: They face all challenges together and know that a viable solution always puts their partnership first. It's the combined unit versus those marital problems, not one person versus the other. “You can’t solve couple problems individually,” says therapist Jocylynn Stephenson. “It almost always fails, because you don’t have the input of the other person.” 

While the specifics of those problems will vary from couple to couple, there’s comfort in knowing that others are likely grappling with some of the same core issues you do. Read on for a look at 10 of the most common marital problems—and our experts' advice on how to work through them together. 

1. You have communication issues.

A lack of communication between married couples—or any couple, for that matter—can lead to a variety of issues in the relationship, says Dr. Tamika Torres, a psychologist. "This can result in feelings of loneliness, frustration, and dissatisfaction within the marriage," she says. "Without open and honest communication, misunderstandings can arise, leading to conflict and resentment." Ultimately, communication is a relationship's foundation—and when it falters, so do other key components of the partnership. For example, if poor communication remains ongoing, emotional intimacy dwindles, as does your desire to actually address the important issues (which is when small problems turn into big ones). "Eventually, couples struggle to express their needs, feelings, and desires, leading to a sense of emotional disconnection," adds Dr. Torres.

The Solution

This is arguably the most important thing you could ever do for your marriage: Establish open and regular communication channels, says Dr. Torres. "Practice active listening to ensure both partners feel heard and understood," she says. "If communication issues persist, consider seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, to facilitate constructive dialogue and resolution."

2. You don’t take an interest in each other’s interests.  

It starts with the best of intentions: You want your partner to be independent and pursue their passions, even if you don’t quite understand them. At the same time, you don’t want to overly burden your partner with the things you love that they don’t. While these sentiments come from a good place, they can create distance in a marriage. “If we allow for too much individuality, we end up in silos,” says Stephenson. “Then, we’re just kind of living parallel lives instead of weaving a life together.” This can lead to a loss of intimacy and interconnectedness that’s crucial for a healthy relationship. 

The Solution

Be intentional about getting more involved. You don’t have to make your partner’s hobbies your own or know every detail about the roster history of their favorite football team. But you do need to look for opportunities to share your passions. “Figure out where the two of you can align so you have visibility on each other’s internal lives,” Stephenson explains. If you love figure skating and a particularly exciting competition is coming up, ask your partner to watch it with you. (Knowing the engagement has a distinct beginning and end will help make them more amenable to participating.)

On the flip side, if your partner is an avid cyclist, make time to check in on the pastime. “It can be as simple as saying, ‘Hey, what’s going on for you? Are you going on any big rides soon? Who do you ride with?’” Stephenson says. By actively staying in the know about what’s important to your partner, you validate their interests—and reconfirm your marriage as a place to explore those interests in the process. 

3. Your spending habits are different. 

No surprise here: Money is one of the biggest sources of tension between married couples, particularly when it comes to how to spend it. But all hope is not lost just because one person has a tight hold on their purse strings, while the other enjoys splurging.

In these instances, Stephenson begins counseling by helping couples explore the reasons behind their habits. “A lot of our work as marriage therapists is about helping couples understand one another, so I start with what spending means to each of them,” she says. “Where did you learn how to deal with money? What did you see growing up?” This lays the groundwork for more empathetic conversations about how to approach finances as a unit.

The Solution

Set expectations about how to share. Scrutinizing each other’s every purchase is likely only going to add fuel to the fire, so it’s important to find compromises in this realm. A combination of joint and separate accounts can work wonders, but even then you’ll want a window into your partner’s individual goals, habits, and desires. “Here, we talk about what it looks like to structure your money,” says Stephenson. “What are the big things you want? What are the big things you’re saving for? What does your spending look like on a week-to-week basis?”

There’s no right answer here: Some couples will want to discuss everything beforehand, while others are fine if one person takes the lead, but clues the other in after the fact. Either way, setting explicit guidelines and sticking to them will minimize surprises—which can feel like breaches of trust—down the line. 

4. You have different feelings about social media.

This marital problem is two-fold. Some duos disagree on what or how much one partner shares on social media; others argue about the amount of time their spouse spends on these apps. "When it comes to married couples, there is a fine line between sharing and oversharing on social media," confirms Dr. Torres. "In my practice, a common issue that arises from married couples, especially those in their 20s through early 40s, is oversharing on social media and not being present." 

When intimate details of a relationship or a family's dynamics are shared with the world, it can lead to discomfort, insecurity, or even feelings of betrayal. "Couples may feel pressured to portray a perfect image of their relationship online, which can lead to a façade of happiness that may not accurately reflect the true dynamics," notes Dr. Torres, adding that some duos also unfairly measure themselves or their spouses against what they see online. "This can create unrealistic expectations and lead to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction within the relationship."

Technology is also a distraction. "With the constant accessibility of smartphones, tablets, and other devices, couples may find themselves more engrossed in their screens than in each other," shares Dr. Torres. "Whether you're scrolling through posts, the kids are on their iPads, or your husband is on the laptop at the kitchen counter, technology can hinder quality time spent together, leading to feelings of neglect and disconnection."

The Solution

When it comes to differing feelings about social media, with regards to what you share or how much time you spend on it, start by getting on the same page. "Initiate a discussion about boundaries regarding social media usage and oversharing," Dr. Torres shared. "Establish clear guidelines, such as designated device-free times or zones, to prioritize quality time together without digital interruptions."

5. You’ve fallen out of sync on intimacy. 

When it comes to sex, the most common marriage problem Stephenson encounters is differing levels and types of desire—and a reluctance to discuss that openly. “There can be a lot of shame, judgment about performance, and pressure to be and do all sorts of things, so we don’t talk about it explicitly,” says Stephenson. That makes normalizing open communication on this front is a crucial first step.

The Solution

Try a two-prong approach. “Step one is understanding their history,” says Stephenson. “What did sex and intimacy look like before it changed for the worse?” Identifying the root of a problem is the first step in solving it, so she encourages couples to talk about what's contributed to the change.

Step two is determining where each person wants to be going forward. If those levels of desire match up, figure out how to remove or work around the barriers keeping you from getting there. If they don’t match up, make sure each person knows the best way to satisfy their partner while still keeping their personal boundaries intact. While it’s not a perfect solution, putting in the effort can go a long way towards showing your spouse that their needs are important to you. When done in a safe, supportive environment, it can also open you up to new experiences that can deepen your personal sexual enjoyment. 

6. Jealousy has reared its ugly head. 

While you might think this insecurity stems from concerns about physical infidelity, Stephenson finds that’s not typically the case. “Most often, I find that couples get jealous of their closeness their partners feel with other people,” she says. “It’s more the emotional stuff.” 

The Solution

Reinvest in your relationship. Assuaging this type of jealousy is all about sharing your inner world. “Inevitably, it’s a matter of giving a person more time, more attention, and more of yourself,” Stephenson says. “In my experience, couples that have close relationships [outside of their marriage] but don’t experience jealousy are also doing the work to maintain emotional intimacy. If your partner gets enough of that, then they’re usually satisfied.”

7. It feels like you’re growing in different directions. 

It’s inevitable that people will evolve in different ways over the course of a long-term relationship, and that these changes might, at times, lead you to question your compatibility. Perhaps the career-focused person you married has eased their professional ambitions in favor of finding fulfillment in family, or the partner who once shared your dream of settling closer to relatives now hopes to retire to a remote cabin in the woods.

These divergences can seem like impossible hurdles to overcome, but it’s important to realize that while the specifics of your individual dreams may have changed, you’re likely still aligned on the core components. “Generally, couples want to be happy and emotionally stable, and they want to eventually stop working,” says Stephenson. “Those are the big umbrella goals, and the rest are particularities.” 

The Solution

Meet your partner where they’re at. Part of the issue here is feeling like you no longer know your spouse, so put in the effort to get reacquainted. “I ask couples to make time for lots of intimacy work,” says Stephenson, who uses a list of prompts from The Gottman Institute to encourage meaningful dialogue. (Topics include greatest fears, best friends, life goals, and more.) “In giving couples these questions, I essentially ask them to get to know each other again, and to do that in a positive way.”

Understanding your partner’s hopes and dreams in intimate detail also provides more wiggle room for finding common ground. Maybe it’s not a literal cabin in the woods they need, but the feelings of privacy or being connected to nature that the cabin would provide. Finding a way to satisfy those wants in an environment you’d also be happy with could be the key to ensuring a successful future together. 

8. You have different stances on parenting.

You may agree about wanting kids—but do you know if you have similar or complementary parenting styles? "Disagreements about parenting can be a major source of conflict between married couples," shares Dr. Torres. "When parents have different beliefs, values, or approaches to parenting, it can lead to arguments and tension in the relationship; one partner might not feel supported by their spouse." Disciplinary style is one such source of discord; you might want to enforce certain rules, but your partner is much more lenient. "Not only can this cause confusion for the children—it can undermine the authority of the parent," notes Dr. Torres.

The Solution

You can't always know how you'll parent until you're a parent—but it can't hurt to talk through things hypothetically even before you welcome little ones. If issues arise when your family expands, "engage in open dialogue to explore and understand each other’s parenting styles and values," notes Dr. Torres. "Seek compromises that reflect a collaborative approach to parenting, emphasizing teamwork rather than opposition." By aligning on parenting strategies and goals, you'll strengthen your bond and effectively co-parent your kids.

9. You’re both bored. 

Ennui can be a silent relationship killer. What do you do when there’s no discernible problem, but you’ve both lost perspective on what makes your bond special? Boredom typically manifests itself as a lack of enthusiasm, and it can take a toll on a marriage if left unchecked.

The Solution

Confront the issue head-on. “If I find a couple is drifting apart because they think they know everything there is to know about their partner, I tell them that they’re wrong,” says Stephenson. “Their partner has grown and changed. If you can’t see that, then you’ve got to open your eyes.”

If that boredom is a result of predictability in your life together, the best thing you can do is share that with your partner in a way that allows you to do something about it. “Externalize the problem,” Stephenson advises. “Where does your boredom come from, and what do you want to do about it?” If you feel, for example, that you’re no longer having interesting conversations, evaluate how you spend your time individually. Are you reading books, delving into new interests, or otherwise engaging in the kind of things that lead to that? After all, sometimes the best way to help your relationship is to help yourself first.

10. Your conflict resolution skills need work.

Arguing is a normal part of married life—but do you know how to effectively halt, learn from, and move past conflict? If you find that your fights are ongoing or repetitive, you might have a conflict resolution problem. "When married couples experience difficulties in conflict resolution, it can strain the relationship," shares Dr. Torres. "One common issue is a breakdown in communication, where partners struggle to effectively express their feelings and needs to each other. This can result in misunderstandings, pent-up emotions, and a lack of empathy." When you fail to resolve these fights, you risk losing each other's perspectives, "leading to a cycle of blame and defensiveness, rather than a collaborative effort to find a resolution," she adds.

The Solution

It's imperative to develop and practice effective conflict resolution skills that prioritize respect, empathy, and understanding. After you argue, "take time for self-reflection and emotional regulation before engaging in discussions to prevent escalations," suggests Dr. Torres. Or, consider setting up weekly check-ins that allow you and partner to touch base emotionally—and provide room for joint reflection. "Focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions through compromise and avoid resorting to personal attacks or disrespectful behavior," notes Dr. Torres.