6 of the Best Pieces of Marriage Advice for Couples

Though most romantic comedies would tell us otherwise, saying "I do" doesn’t guarantee a marriage full of exclusively sunshine and daffodils. Bringing your vows to life day after day is an ongoing task, and there’s zero shame in needing expert marriage advice to keep your love story thriving for the long haul. 

To help us learn more about navigating a healthy and happy partnership, we speak with licensed marriage and family therapist Rachel Facio. Specializing in relationships, she shares all her top tips on how to keep growing together as a couple, year after year.

Whether you’re thinking about getting engaged, you're recently married, or you're celebrating your 30th wedding anniversary, this timeless advice is bound to resonate.

Think about the quality—not quantity—of your sex life.

For anyone who’s ever Googled how much sex they should be having in their relationship, it’s time to release yourself from arbitrary math equations. “Long gone are the days [of thinking] if you are having sex with your partner X amount of times a week, your marriage is solid or on the rocks,” says Facio. “Completely false.” She goes on to add, “If healthy intimacy is happening half the time in your relationship, i.e. cuddling, flirting, playing, sharing, supporting, challenging, exploring—and [you’re having] sex—then you are better off than half the couples on the planet.”

Establishing boundaries is a must.

As it turns out, self-care isn’t just a trendy Instagram fad; it’s a necessary component of any well-balanced relationship. As Facio explains, “Solid boundaries around taking care of yourself, spending time [together] as a couple, [and] spending time with family and friends [are] crucial to the marathon that is marriage.” If you find yourself regularly depleted, it’s a good time to evaluate if you have “unhealthy boundaries around work, obligations to others, etc. because they can not only take a toll on you as an individual but the couple as well.”

Arguing is healthy—when done fairly!

We’ve likely all heard that arguments can be a good thing in a relationship, but how do you ensure they stay productive? “Healthy disagreements are part of a growing and evolving marriage as long as you do so fairly,” agrees Facio. Lucky for us, she breaks down exactly how: “Nothing gets an argument heated like a partner who feels unseen/unheard. [Constructively arguing] means sticking to ‘I’ statements [i.e. starting a conversation with ‘I feel this’ instead of ‘you did this’], acknowledging and reflecting what [your partner says] before you share your views/opinions, and slowing your roll on the interrupting.”

Consider a pet before having children.

“If you're curious about your parenting styles, gender role expectations, and projections from your childhood, go adopt a pet” advises Facio. “[Then,] be open and honest about what it’s like raising your fur baby with your beau—it will give you some good insight and dialogue about future things to consider when raising a family.”

Remember: Their family is your family.

When you marry someone, you’re also committing yourself to their entire family. Conflicts around navigating these dynamics often come up in Facio’s practice, and she’s got her advice down to a fine science: “Keep the trash talk to a minimum,” she says, “[because] nothing separates a partnership faster than feeling like your spouse hates your family.” You should, however, keep a healthy distance as necessary. Facio elaborates, “[This] doesn’t mean you [can’t] have limited hang time with them and strong boundaries, but remember—they are still family, they made your partner, and they aren’t going anywhere.”

Work through your money feelings together, and often.

“Can I scream this one from the rooftops?” she asks. If seeing the “m-word” makes you nervous, too, you’re 100 percent not alone. “Everyone has money issues, money baggage, weird/shameful/strong feelings around money,” explains Facio. Her best tip? “Talk. About. It. With. Your. Partner. A LOT.” She digs even deeper on this point, adding, “Sit down and talk about how much you two make, and where it all goes each month. Who’s a spender and who’s a saver? How do you feel about big purchases, vacations, savings, and future planning? Talk about it a lot—and early on in the marriage.”